Well this year hasnt quite gone to plan so far. The prognosis for my eye condition has deteriorated considerably and shortly after receiving this news my wife suffered a traumatic miscarriage which almost cost her her life. She took three weeks off work to rest and recover, I did not, I threw myself into my work. I am not writing this for any kind of sympathy or shock reaction. I am writing this because my stress reaction interested me and I felt this was worth exploring.
Three weeks working fifteen hour shifts and single-mindedly ensuring my wife had everything she needed to get through this left me exhausted, lighter and sick. However I didnt feel stressed, over the years I appear to have build a complex mechanism for dealing with stress that operates entirely sub-conciously. I was fully aware that everything I had been through should cause me to feel stressed, a normal human being should feel stressed by these circumstances. I didnt feel stressed however all the symptoms were there, sleep loss, loss of appetite, my blood work showed evidence that my body was pumping out increased levels of adrenaline for a longer period than normal. I found I couldnt concentrate at work and then I became sick,
Which leads us to this post. My boss has insisted I take a few days off, he has been genuinely concerned about me and I suspect he has experienced a similar situation in his recent life. So I am sat at home, resting up and blogging to try and organise my mind.
I had never considered before the possibility that a person could be highly symptomatic of acute stress without actually feeling stressed.
Also normally I would not blog about anything this personal however the anonymity required for my nursing posts has afforded me to a freedom to bare all to complete strangers without fear or expectation. I have mentioned the cathartic application of blogging before however I am starting to wonder if it has a therapeutic application.